The Re-education of Molly Oliver

always a student

2010-06-29T14:13:00.003-06:00

Haven't told this blog yet that I am still a student. When I started this little project I thought it could be a nice way to stay in touch with friends while I went on hiatus and studied Ayurveda in New Mexico and I could leave it when I was done. Which is pretty much how it has gone.

However, I'm in the process of thinking about a website for my little Ayurveda practice and one of the first things one should do is to google oneself. And this site popped up on the first page, after the lists of websites devoted to the 1970's rock band, Molly Oliver, formed the same year as my birth. I realized I am still a student and still have a little something to say, and maybe a few people still look at this site.

So....now I am working toward nursing school. In addition to sitting with the lovely R. I have been volunteering in hospice and really loving being with\caring for people. To that end I have been taking a few classes at community college, finding out that I love math, and prepping myself to apply for a very competitive program at the University of Rochester next year.

It is summer again here and today is a perfect day, crisp, breezy, green and full of sun.

Wishing you the very best of days,

Molly

On the edge of not knowing

2010-02-16T11:42:00.003-07:00

My dear friend R. declares to the room"We're all on the edge of not knowing!" At almost 94, she is facing lots of change and lots of letting go. Soon she'll move out of state to live with her son and his family. She's lived in Rochester since 1946 they tell me. Physical activity is difficult these days. Walking hurts, she needs help putting on her stockings. Balance is precarious and she uses a 3-wheeled walker to get around, very slowly. Her mind is slipping a little, sometimes a lot. She can't remember words, names, or the activities she used to love. Often she is disoriented, wondering when she's going home. Looking around her living room she'll say, "So many things here look just like my things." The hardest thing is that she knows she doesn't know.

Somehow she stays really positive and present in all this , when her world is muddling up and folding in around her, she still wants to hear about what is going on in politics and the rest of the country. She gets up and walks every day, despite the pain, because she does not want to stop walking. Even though she can barely see, she points out beauty to me all the time: a certain tree that stands up just so, a cloud or rare shimmer of cold late winter sun, the orchid that still holds its bloom.

All of this is just fine, and sweetly painful: the kind of things I love to comment on. There is something deeper in the time I have with R. that is difficult to articulate. I feel like she's transmitting lots of serious information about how to live life. It comes and goes quickly, like a little razor cutting through the fog. She'll say: "It is very important to know what you can do and what you cannot do." or "I've always been most interested in learning about my own self, how and why I do what I do. That is what has been most important, don't you agree?" or "You have a wonderful nurturing self, you are so competent and kind. You MUST do this for your self too." I'll ask her to say more about it and she'll respond, "Now, what day is it? Have we had any dinner yet?"

I'm walking on the edge of not knowing, taking one step and another; listening carefully.

after a long absence

2009-11-13T15:32:00.002-07:00

After a long absence, I just popped in to see what is going over here. I realize that I miss blogging here and think that space may be opening up for me to return.

So many things since I last posted, another 6 months of life-altering education, another period of re-entry to life here in the northeast, another beautiful autumn.

Along the way I have been starting a private practice offering Ayurvedic diet and lifestyle recommendations, been teaching and lecturing a little. Great blessings have been heaped upon me...a family has asked me to help give care to a wonderful lady in her mid-90's.

It is an incredible job, I love this little woman R. more than I can say. She teaches me so much. Here's just one small example. We took a drive to Naples because we had both been wanting to go. I had a toothache and was in some pain. R. said, "Are you sure you can do this tremendous driving." "Yes," I said, "a nice trip will be fun and distract me from this pain." So we went, we had a wonderful time, we almost lost her purse but found it, we ate crepes on the porch of the Naples Hotel in the sun on the 8th of November. We met a small boy with his family who said "Be my friend, be my friend." "If I could hear better," R. said, "I would certainly love to hear what he was saying and we would have a grand conversation about all the great things." It was a long day. We were both tired by the time we got back to the city. The next time I saw her, R. said to me: "I cannot believe you did all that driving when you were hurting so much." I said: "Oh, it was my pleasure, and I had so much fun." "You were sick" she said, "and did not look at all well. You are the kind of person who likes to make everything wonderful, aren't you?" "I suppose I am." I said. "Were you showing off for me, with your grand skills, great strength and excellent driving of very long distances?" she asked. "Yes," I said, "I guess I was."

I am reveling in seeing and being seen by someone who has such clear, direct access to reality. It is an incredible gift and an honor.

love, gifts and honor to all of you,

Molly

going back

2008-12-31T09:13:00.003-07:00

I am going back to ABQ for another 6months of study. will try to put notes here from time to time to keep a little record of how it is going. 2008 was pretty amazing. Here's hoping 2009 is another wonderful year for you and yours.

much love,

Molly

Waiting to get a life

2008-11-17T13:40:00.000-07:00

And then it was Halloween..........barely any kids stopped by but we were ready. After it got a little later I made a fire in the back yard and roasted the jack-o-lantern. He made a delicous soup the next day.

Summer is officially over

2008-11-17T13:31:00.000-07:00

Summer is officially over, it snowed today. Trying to get myself in the winter feel of things, the hunker-down, draw in and recharge zone; but I am cold. Just found these very late summer snapshots of my garden and wanted to share them. Grey is a fact of life here. I used to have a great tolerance and sort of poetic regard for the darker time of the year. Today I feel impatient, let's get it over with already. This usually happens in March, not November. The colors are more saturated when it is grey. We can eat more soup and snuggle more when it is grey. Cloudy days are great for studying.

All that said, I am cherishing the little moments and slices of late autumn sun.

End of October, already

2008-10-27T09:50:00.003-06:00

I was out of town for 2 consecutive weekends in October. It was great fun traveling solo, first to my sister in New York and then to Chicago for an ayurveda conference. But I missed the fall here at home. Please remind me to stay put in October. It is such a magical month, a crazy blend of all four seasons if you look closely enough. One day it is sunny, sweaty, and high 70's, another it is a crisp water-yellow sun-dappled 50 with bright red leaves fluttering to the ground. Sometimes it snows inches on Halloween. We all know that here. How often do you see the spring in October? You know it if I tell you...the soft grey day that is humid...anywhere between 45 and 60 degrees Fahrenheit; the leaves have fallen and the branches are bare and sopping wet. Look in the garden bed...bulbs are pushing up single small hard green nubs and one bird is singing a song so sweet, I could swear it is April.
Today it is almost the end of October, already. I missed the falling of the leaves and have a little edge of the autumn melancholy. It will be darker soon, and much colder. And in the New Year, I will leave my love again for 6 months of school in another state.

As the world turns

2008-09-19T07:31:00.005-06:00

It is fall and just about 1 year ago I started writing little notes here. (I just checked. It has been more than a year. September 12th is my blogiversary and I missed it just like I missed my wedding anniversary this year.)

So what about today? This summer/fall I have bee thinking more about alignment, specifically in what I align myself with when I choose where to shop and what to purchase. At least once a week, usually 2 or 3 times, I go to the Rochester Public Market or another farmer's market and get the vegetables my husband and I will eat. Our meat comes from a local farm couple committed to raising grass-fed beef and lamb along with organically fed hogs. As many staples as we can get at the local coop we do...but where do those dates, grains and frozen gluten-free waffles come from and how much gasoline did it take to get them to my table. A cute little sign in the bulk food section tells me that the pesticide-free pepitas I love so much come from China. So did the sleeping bag we paid $30 for at a big box store in the suburbs on Tuesday night, before a dinner out (salmon(Alaska?) crusted with pesto, local too sweet Riesling). The vegetables were fresh and tasty. Did the cook purchase them at the market from a local farmer or rely on delivery from a wholesaler who gets it from God-knows-where?
I want to get a pair of heels to look professional in. Are there any affordable shoes not made in China anymore? And the rice and spices I rely on in my Ayurvedic kitchen? Is that sustainable?

It is easy to go down this path in this manner, of self-righteous criticism and praise. But this question demands more from me than that. Just as I am trying to re-pattern habitual movement and thought streams through movement and sound, I want to figure out how to re pattern my consumption from a place of calm grounded intention that is less tinged with judgement. I am looking for a place of origination that is not from the head, but from an opening to what is, to let a new way reveal itself rather than forcing an agenda upon myself and my family. Does this mean making my own undergarments and washing my clothes with home-made soap? Does it mean listening, observing and educating myself? It seems rooted in attention, attending to the physical body; both the personal internal/external frame I walk around in as well as the physical body of my loved ones, my house and neighborhood.....and the physical body of the food and objects of daily life. There is a wish for an attention that is consistently reverent. Can I approach the kitty litter, the car, the potato and my lover with the same respect and regard? Will I allow the space for the Divine to permeate every corner of this day, including the ugly and uncomfortable parts of being human?

For example, while driving home from the lovely dinner with my darling, we were cut off in traffic. Instinctively I snarled and threw my hand out the window in gesture of disgust and disdain. My dearest said "Molly, that is a very un-Ayurvedic way to behave. I am disappointed in you and hope you stop doing this, especially when I am not around. People get shot for behaviour like this." I giggle, wiggle,charm and tell him how adorable he is when he busts my chops, that it is sexy....distracting him and getting me off the hook. Uncomfortable, seeing myself that way. Here I am and where is the divine? And how to stay present without becoming dour, no-fun and totally annoying.? I am great at thinking and talking myself into a corner, making judgements, rationalizations and exceptions that are so convoluted I am paralyzed with confusion or convinced that nothing matters and I may as well have another brownie, followed by a nap.

Claudia always asked us:Is there hope? Yes, we would shout, there is always hope. I believe this with my whole self and hope that I can remember that I do.

Love to you,
Molly

Lifting of the fog

2008-09-03T13:10:00.003-06:00

It is official, I am returning to school in January. After that, who knows what will happen? I will finish, return to Rochester and really begin my life as a fabulous Ayurvedic consultant. It's a wild and crazy lifestyle folks, what with all the vegetable eating, herb studying, yoga and meditation. Seriously.

Although I haven't written about it here, I have been a little low since returning to New York. Please don't take it personally, New York. I love New York, I do. Just jumping out of the refiner's fire of school into real life was a real shocker, accompanied by feelings of loss and despair. It is totally normal, but I was surprised. There is a beautiful network of loving friends and family, not to mention gorgeous days and my sweet little house and darling husband. Everything is growing and changing and still the same, as life always is no matter where we are. The precious thing is that the fog feels like it is lifting and dropping me back into my body, into my life.

The internal terrain is so rich. I feel so lucky to have the opportunity to plumb the murky depths and rise bubbling and sputtering on the surface. Thinking of the fluid system in the body and how to tap into it. This is not a new idea nor is the vocabulary mine. Emile Conrad has been developing this movement/breath/sound language for a long time and I have stumbled into it and feel once again like I am coming home. So I am learning how to trace the origin of movement in my body and feel how it responds to breath and sound and how it all tumbles together into an ocean of subtle, shifting influence; that the breath, the sound and the movement all trigger one another. When I can surrender into this pool, my own physical boundaries expand and dissolve into the fluidity of the air all around me. It seems like this much melting and going into solution could be dangerous, that one would lose sight of the center and get pulled toward the nearest, strongest force or that the body/mind would disperse and leave an empty spacey shell. In my limited and humble experience, I am finding the exact opposite to be true. The more I dissolve the edges, the more distinct my center becomes, the connection between heart and mind more clear. It turns out that the nearest, strongest force is divinity. It lives in my breath, it lives in every cell of every being. Divinity is found in my neighbor as he screams at his son for 3 hours every night, in the hibiscus blooming in the front yard, in the computer screen I am spending so much time with lately. Words don't do it justice, but feeling gratitude today for feeling like me and seeing the world with kinder eyes.

Daytour 2008

2008-08-27T17:37:00.001-06:00

Have you been on Daytour? If you haven't you should. On a Saturday in late August, our
friend Joe plays every hour on the hour at a different outdoor location with a different band.
Here is Decidious vs. Conifer at Lock Thirty-Two on the Erie Canal. Good, clean fun and really great music. It is fun to go just to see the faces of the general public, as they discover live musical improvisation in their parks. I want to have more to say to fill the space, but there is not a lot to add, even when I do the tenth-grade term paper trick of
spelling all numbers. Did I mention that the musicians are super adorable? You can get their autographs really easily, they are totally accessible to the fans....often outnumbering the fans two to one. So sorry you missed this year, there's always next year.

Big love to all of you music fans out there,

Molly

yes. she lives and knits

2008-08-22T05:17:00.001-06:00

I am home and playing with my computer and picking up the knitting needles and trying to not be too manic. Here is a cute little bear I just finished the other week. I love him and am having a hard time sending him off to the baby he is slated to live with. Summer has been just as gorgeous as I imagined, lots of fun, lots of lush green-ness. It has been hard making the transition back, but I am moving through it, so grateful for a fabulous husband and very dear friends.

In other hot news, we have decided to send me back to school, if they will take me back! Hopefully I will be heading out west in January and staying til mid-June. That means I am not officially done being re-educated and that I still have content for this blog, although perhaps not a single reader. Sally, are you out there?

This week I have been doing some fun freelance stuff in my kitchen....when it is more complete, I will share some information and photos. Suffice to say, it has been very inspiring and loads of fun.

love to you all,
M

Just because I can

2008-08-22T05:08:00.002-06:00

This blog has knitting content, I have no children, here's a picture of my cat. Insert witty comment about said cat's shedding, incredible cuteness,imperious personality or attraction to all things wool.

Pose and counter-pose

2008-06-12T06:51:00.002-06:00

In yoga we learned that pose and counter-pose work together to balance the system. If I have done a back bend, it feels good and right to move slowly toward a forward bend. Maybe we'll do a gentle seated twist on the way, so the spine and the brain have a minute to decompress. Regardless of the details, you get the picture: It is a very good idea(and a very old one).

Wondering what the counter-pose is for 8 1/2 months of serious vedic education? A weekend all over northern NM with a dear friend certainly felt like it. We slept as long as we wanted, saw amazing beauty, talked a lot, cried a little and luxuriated in general. We met new friends, missed old friends (especially my darling honey), chanted at the Hanuman Temple in Taos, ate lots of green chile, waded in 2 rivers, and I danced like I haven't in a long time. This amazing land of enchantment....well, I am more enchanted than ever.

The senses are refreshed, my visual brain firing like crazy during yoga. Realizing that I have been a little under stimulated in the whole vast, accessible, sweeping views of jaw-dropping geology category as of late. Visual sense lately been busy with studying lists and charts and looking at various web-sites like this when I can't bear to look at another list.

Moving out of my cute little apartment, feeling sentimental and so ready to be done hauling. It astounds me to survey the volume of stuff I accumulated. Remember those 4 bins I brought to New Mexico with me back in October? Just a faint memory now. Yesterday I shipped 8 boxes of books, notebooks, clothes and random things back to Rochester (including a smallish box sole of various Ayurvedic body oils). I rented a 5x10 storage space and started filling it...a desk, end table, 2 chairs, shelves, another tiny table to keep by the door for my keys, a bin of sheets and I am not sure what else, a basket, a little wire vertical file organizer. My room-mate and I still have to take apart the kitchen. There is the large bin of clothes I donated as well. Not to mention the full size mattress and box spring set, foam mattress pad and about 20-30 glass mason storage jars I still need to put in there.

Ah! But I will be home in less than a week! Wow! I CANNOT WAIT TO SEE YOUR BEAUTIFUL SMILING FACES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am serious. Thanks so much for all the support. We could not have done this without our dearest friends and family.

Love to you all,
M

okay namaste

2008-06-05T15:26:00.002-06:00

Little strange, being done. The oral exam went well and well, I am done. What I came here for, beyond following this exciting path of the Ayurveda, was to learn how to be alone and be okay. Today as I was amped and waiting for my turn to be tested, I had the gift of sitting with a dear classmate. We talked about our monkey minds and how they get going and tell us all sorts of things that have no bearing on reality. (A quick side note about reality: a very smart teacher told us.."It is good to live with reality; if you deny reality, eventually reality will come to live with you.") Anyway, this wise friend said to me:

"The best way to deal with the mind is to stop fighting with it. You will never win an argument with the mind. It just wants to be loved. So make friends with the mind, let it be your closest, dearest friend. If it starts to act up, tell the mind how much you love it and how much you need its support, right now."

For the time being I am here, trying to move gracefully and lovingly to the next step. Can't wait to be home, trying really hard to be present, asking myself gently to put down the need to find something else to worry about now that I have completed this amazing schooling.

Am I re-educated yet?

2008-05-30T07:58:00.003-06:00

Last night was the final class meeting of the year. I have not been to a last day of school in ten years. It is such a bittersweet time. We are saturated with information, overwhelmed with trying to make sense of it all. We are finally falling in love with each other and feeling the pull of conversations we want to continue, or haven't had yet. I am really regretting all the dancing and singing we did not do.

Feeling the pull of home, missing my darling and all of you back there....and scared that I won't know what to do with myself when I get there. That whole awkward and upward thing that I talk about, when I don't know where to put my feet and my hands start doing weird things and I sweat and language refuses to cooperate with me. But I love you all and know that you bear with me when that happens....and for that I am incredibly grateful...

* * * * *

Last week I started that entry and never posted because I didn't know where to go with it. Tomorrow I will take the oral exam. My time here is almost done for now. Can't decide whether to tweak out or not. Everyone who has gone already says that it has been a delightful 20 minutes with our dear teacher Dr. Lad. Still though, I feel a naggy little voice urging me to keep studying up to the last minute, that I am not prepared, etc.

On my walk this morning I saw "I am yellow" very clearly chalked on the sidewalk. Yellow is the color of pitta dosha, the fire in the body. Pitta is responsible for transformation and digestion of everything we take in: food, emotions, experience, thought, information. Pitta promotes thirst and hunger, enthusiasm and anger. so. please think of me and the pitta within all of us and ask it to help me express precisely and clearly tomorrow. blesssings all, M

whoa now, Time!

2008-05-12T10:42:00.002-06:00

So how I love you and how I haven't posted since March 14th!!!! Oy! It has been busy here, what with practice consults, teaching a couple pottery classes, yoga teacher training (including weekly private sessions with a very kind and patient volunteer client) as well as a full class schedule...well. I look forward to a more sedate pace very soon. We will be having our last class on May 29th, then oral exams the first 2 weeks in June and graduating on the 13th. My estimated arrival in Rochester is around the 18th or 19th. Please send me good thoughts on June 5th, 11 am mountain standard time, when I get to sit with Dr. Lad for my oral exam.

I so look forward to seeing all of my New York friends and family. Getting a bit homesick, after all this time! When you look at a tree in full leafy green-ness or walk barefoot on a freshly cut lawn or take time to complain about the nasty humidity or find yourself up at the lake for a sunset, remember me in the desert.

Miss you all...hope life is treating you well.

big love,
Molly

There there now

2008-03-14T18:55:00.002-06:00

So I am 2/3rds done with this part of the venture. Yesterday we dutifully took our finals and tried really hard to remember a lot of stuff and most of it in Sanskrit...oh my God! It is done, I have a week to recover and get ready to roll through the last ten weeks. In which I will be doing 4-6 practice clinical assessments and working with a yoga client once a week, in addition to the 25 hours or so of class plus homework. YeEAH. It is a treat to be here and I am learning so much, but I just have to whine a little. You know how much I love to complain. The other night I realized that I am not really into journalling so much any more and I think it is because I prefer to complain out loud, rather than on the page. Oy!

Ummm, you guys in western new york reading this, I have to tell you that it is spring here now. Gorgeous mid-60's by day, 30-40 at night, buckets of sunshine. It is really wonderful. Little windy, lots of birdsong and bulbs popping up wherever it is irrigated.

I went away last weekend to California and spent some time in Berkeley and San Francisco with the illustrious Aaron Kllc....he's still amazing and really healthy, digesting all sorts of food and strong and fabulous as always. By a lot of good luck, weird timing and other factors I cannot even think of trying to name, I got to sit at the feet of 3 great Ayurvedic teachers for most of the weekend and learned even more amazing stuff. I may get a ticket for using "amazing" too often, but I don't think I care that much. In this life, let the amazing rush forth.

Darling honey is coming out for a week tomorrow. I cannot wait to see that lovely man. (Lovely is definitely ticketable too, again, I have to say I don't care.) I have the inclination to drag him all over the state...Carlsbad Caverns! Taos!!!! White Sands! Roswell! Mexico!! Hot Springs!! etc. He, being prudent and of a less mobile quality is requesting a quiet week in Albuquerque. We will see. Mostly I am just so happy he's coming out and we get to see one another(and I don't have to get on a plane.)

You should know that it is painfully easy to get a new driver's license online in NYS. It is a testament to all my ayurvedic work that I have not lost my license in over four years. You know how I started all this fun because I kept losing my wallet and forgetting what projects I was working on at work. So, a little spacey quality snuck in as I was travelling last weekend and I mislaid my photo ID in SF airport. It is also much easier to get on a plane without identification than one would be led to believe. I do think I actually made it through security a little quicker with out, although I had to suffer the humiliation of being shunted into this little cattle corral thing for a bit, stay extra long in the air-puffer chamber and then have some nice young girl wipe down my shoes, phone and the entire inside of my bag with what looked like an oversized Stridex pad. I am so glad that the TSA is keeping us safe. Anyway, I digress. Today I finally got around to trying to replace said license and all it took was filling in a tiny online form and pledging $15 dollars on my credit card. It took less wrangling than it does to put up a silly craigslist posting about my upcoming pottery class.

Darling honey, if you are reading this, please keep your eyes open for a letter from the DMV. My identity is in there!

It is Friday night and I have spent an unGodly amount of time staring at the internets. I have to decide if I will spend the rest of this thrilling evening doing laundry, cleaning the apartment or scouring ABQ for some really yummy chocolate cake.

I love you all so much and think fondly of you often. Hope all is well with you and yours. I want to extend special greetings to young Charlie Francis who joined this world very recently and offer congrats to his mom and dad, Colleen and Paul and special shout out to his older brother Finn, who at 2 years of age, is really not old yet, but will be someday.

yes, she has a pulse

2008-02-29T20:16:00.002-07:00

Hi everyone. It has been over a month since I last posted, I know. I have a few ideas why I haven't posted, but mostly it has been because I don't know quite what to say. It is almost like I've sunk underwater and gotten so accustomed to life on the ocean floor that I have forgotten the rest of the world. A little bit of Ayurveda over-saturation.

We are still learning the pulse, our teacher comes at it again and again, each time delving a little deeper, a little subtler. There is a lot to learn. I have learned the location of the baseline constitution pulse as well as the location of the current state of the constitution. After I listen to 1000 different pulses, I may well be able to understand what the pulse is saying. It is really beautiful. One of our teachers says that to really read the pulse, one must step aside and let the pulse speak. It sounds lovely and all....but to really try to not try...there's the rub!

In Sanskrit we are spending a lot of time chanting shlokas, short verses, from the ancient Ayurvedic texts. I am learning lots of different amazing things.....the of disease, the definition of health. Try this one on for size. According to Susruta(one of the early teachers of ayurveda), health consists of balanced constitution, healthy digestion and appetite, well nourished tissues, good elimination of wastes, proper bodily function as well as bliss-filled soul, sensory perceptions, and mind. A tall order for most of us, no?

We have been doing practice assessments and recommendations for one another in lab, which has been thrilling and terrifying. I have learned mountains, but realize that there is an entire universe's worth of knowledge out there. Trusting my instinct is the hardest part. You all know how much I love to tell others what to do and how and when...so the recommendations have been lots of fun.

In Anatomy, we continue to move through the systems of the body with Juanice, our stalwart leader in this area. Right now we are deep in the gastro-intestinal tract. It is really good to be learning this stuff, so we have a physical, western context when we are learning the more poetic view of the body and its functions.

And yoga...oh, you guys, I am falling in love again with yoga. I am in class 4-5 times a week and I am sinking into my body in the most amazing way. I feel like I am reconnecting part of my body/mind/spirit that have been separated for a long time, coming home to a more comfortable place with much more functional and structural integrity. It is really wonderful and really hard.

My heart is starting to break open, in small increments and I feel as though I may be re-acquainting myself with my self. It is rare for me to be alone, but I am consciously making a lot of space for that here and it is pretty instructive. That said, I miss my dear husband so much I can't get myself to bed at a reasonable hour. It has been better the last week or so, but for a while I couldn't get to bed until midnight and then would toss and turn. He'll be out the week of spring break and I am really looking forward. We saw each other for a quick weekend around midterm and it was lovely, but also sad to be together for such a short time.

There are really pretty birds here. From my bed I can see and hear a bunch of them every morning. So, I am waking up when I can and watching and listening and trying very hard to step aside and just be, if even for a moment.

And I am trying to have fun and not be too serious. I went to the movies, I watched the Oscars, I went to the mall. I found a great facial wax place close to school and ate a breakfast burrito with green chili at 10:30 pm. My room-mate taught me the basic hula step. I saw a roadrunner and a coyote, but not on the same day. I am fantasizing about a great big chunky turquoise set in silver ring like the funky old cowgirls out here like to wear.....that or a big silver belt buckle. And, typical of a good girl student of Ayurveda, when I am not obsessing over the various qualities of my elimination, I ponder the merits of a nose piercing. Already I know that I will go for a post, preferably diamond(Canadian, not African) rather than a hoop. I just need to figure out when.

love to all of you and yours.

xo, M

2008-01-27T21:36:00.000-07:00

It doesn't seem like there is much to say...I missed writing to you on Wednesday, now it is Sunday night and there is not so much to report. Yes, I am still learning tons, not studying quite enough and really glad to be here. My apartment is finally feeling really comfy, we got an orchid and rearranged the living area. Easy to do when you have just a chair and a sofa! It looks good and my roommate and I are both using more of the space, which is good.

Feeling kind of dumbstruck by the depth of Ayurveda. There are 32 different general causes of disease. There is a huge list of the precursors of a larger list of specific conditions. I just keep reminding myself that I am at the beginning and have a lifetime to understand, practice and refine.

Did I tell you that we have started learning to listen to the pulse to determine our constitution? It is really neat. Every pulse feels so different.

Trying to have fun and relax a little, went to see Juno, which was so sweet but not sticky or icky.

Talk to you soon.

love, m

It is Wednesday, everyone

2008-01-16T22:20:00.000-07:00

and that means it is time for me to check in here and let the 3 of you still reading this know that I am indeed inhaling and exhaling here in New Mexico.

It has been a pretty good week. My honey is having some stress at work, so if you know him, please give him a hug when you see him. I think he needs it and I am not there to do that!

In school I have been learning tons and feeling really negative the past few days...tons of snipe-y little judgements in my head and bitey little remarks and generally squirrely behavior. You have probably heard me go off about the reaction I have to that outward projection of earnest spiritual striving...the studied placid face, the hyper-erect posture, the imperious tone that tries to sound down to earth, and the smug condescending attitude that accompanies it. I am sure you have seen it, possibly even in me. Anyway, I am in prime ground for many expressions of this particular personal annoyance and it has really been a challenge. By some good fortune and a lot of complaining I have been able to cease noticing it. What a relief!!!!

Albuquerque has been cold and I have been sleeping late. Work at Dagmar's has picked up due to a review in the paper. Despite the authors note that the potato dumplings were inedible(which they sometimes are) folks were coming in droves.

It is time for me to go to bed. O big love to you all. Be well.

much love,
Molly

Happy Birthday Mom

2008-01-10T21:35:00.000-07:00

Isn't that what we want to do when we have a stage? When we all of a sudden are in view of the television camera, we want to wave to Mom. Hi Mom! That is what I am doing today.

My mom turns 59 today and she told me this morning when we spoke (for too short...I squeezed the call in before class) that she has never felt better. She is in her first year without a kid at home after actively parenting 5 kids over 33 years...quite a career. She is growing spiritually, professionally and personally. This woman is amazing and exceedingly humble. Within her there is the strength to move mountains and she has. As a matter of purely subjective fact, my mother has not only moved mountains, but shouldered them and carried them far distances. She loves so deeply and seeks so intently and is so charming..it is a magical combination.

And my mom loves to dance with an abandon that I somehow lost. Do I have to carry a mountain for years to remember, or should I just stop trying to pick it up in the first place?

So call your mom today in honor of all the mothers out there, especially the in honor of the Divine Mother who gave rise to everything so long ago.

Thank you dear Mom. I love you so much.

Cleaning House

2008-01-06T10:47:00.000-07:00

So, I am back in ABQ. It was a little less trying leaving my darling this time...we know we can do it. There were a few minor tiffs, but we moved through it gracefully. I love that man so much.

It is warm here, warmer than Rochester anyway and I am settling in really well. Still very dry, but I am in love with this place.

Classes start tomorrow and I am enjoying a minute to rest and collect myself before it all starts again. It is such a cool journey to be on and I am so grateful. Hope you all are well and enjoying the little New Year energy burst....cleaning up, re-organizing,taking stock and trying again to be the best humans we can be. I feel so blessed to be striving with all of you.

lots of love coming at you from the southwest,
Molly

Happy new year.

2008-01-01T13:05:00.000-07:00

Welcome 2008. I am home in Rochester for a few more days, really cold here! My love has been keeping me warm. My honey has been such a trooper, keeping the household going, working, doing a bunch of side projects, trying to have a social life and be a supportive spouse from 2000 miles away. I am trying to pamper him a little while I am home.

It is really strange to have 2 homes. I think I could get used to it. Especially when it is so dark and cold in Rochester. Please, let me let you know that I am a huge booster of this culture-rich, low cost of living, architecturally significant, mid-size, practically no traffic city. I love it here...it is really cold and dark for a long time each year. Wouldn't it be nice to leave for a few weeks in winter to sunnier climes, say somewhere in the mountains in the southwest? Just so happens that I have an address there right now and I am feeling pretty lucky and blessed for it.

The holidays are almost officially over and I am a little glad. It is so fun to see everyone and do everything and watch six months worth of movies in 2 weeks. We saw a James Bond double feature at the Dryden Theater; Goldfinger and You Only Live Twice. Ladies, please note that 007 is a dangerous man to get overly friendly with. Your demise may follow soon. We have had great meals with wonderful friends and family. We have napped and slugged about. We have fought and forgiven, loved and lounged. We have cried a little and laughed a lot.

The richness of it all can start to feel a bit much. We are all feeling ready to get back on our feed.

Have you and I ever played 60-second haiku together? It is one of my favorite games of all time, and great fun for all ages...well, for anyone who can read, write and has a basic grasp on counting syllables. Get a timer, a bunch of little pieces of paper, enough pens for everyone(six or seven is the ideal number, but I had a great round last night with 3 other very talented folks). Figure out a bunch of themes and pick one to start. Make sure everyone has paper and something to write with. Set the timer and get writing. Haiku has 3 lines, 5/7/5.....but a famous poet I know says that syllable count is less important. It is more important that the little poem can be delivered in one breath and that there may be a surprise in the last line. Once everyone is done, go around and read them aloud in your best poetry voice. It is a game remember, and supposed to be fun. So, gently shush your harsh critic and enjoy!

Some thematic possibilities:

appropriation policies

jersey shore

in the barnyard

my last breath

autumn

bifocals

famous russians

gardens

the hidden secret of...

light

ancient sages

confusion infusion

etc.

Please play this game soon. You will be delighted as incredible poems emerge from innocent friends and family. Feel free to post the great ones in the comments. We will all be waiting.

Looking forward to new growth, light, love and expansion in 2008. Hoping to lay eyes on your smiling faces soon.

All the best,

Molly

Happy holiday

2007-12-19T16:15:00.000-07:00

So what is a happy holiday anyway? I am in the last day of class, getting relaxed for the final (i.e. procrastinating like a bandit) and really feeling like I am home already. With every passing year I have more memory about the reality of winter holiday time. It is a really amazing and really hard time. I have so many expectations of myself and others that cannot possibly be met. Again I hope for the clarity and ease to open to what is, to honor what is, and to be. This is the dark time of the year, the time to be quiet and wait for the light......and it takes a while to come back!

In honor of my mother, who amazes me with her insight and wisdom; remind yourself as she reminded us: The first day of winter is really the first day of summer. So on the solstice, let's fortify and bolster ourselves, lets scoop into the darkness with open eyes and see what lies gleaming there.

love, light and blessings to all y'all.
xo, M

On Hunger

2007-12-07T17:12:00.000-07:00

I am hungry. So much about Ayurveda, the very basics anyway, is about food. There are six tastes: sweet, sour, salty, pungent, bitter and astringent. In the main meals of the day, I should be having a little bit of all of them. If I am out of balance in some way, the qualities of those tastes can help bring me back. We talk a lot about food and its powerful potential as medicine, nourishment and as a poison. It is a clunky analogy, but the rest of my senses are hungry too. This time I really want to nourish them through turning inward...to satisfy the cravings with what is already there. So I can be a little quieter, run around a little less and focus on the interior landscape. A long time ago a really smart person told me that the best place to travel was inside. I was really young, but felt really old and thought I was cool and understood. I am still pretty young, and try to act my age, and think I am sort of cool and realize that I am just beginning to start to understand what she meant. Sorry to be so obtuse about it all, I am just trying to figure it out too!

You guys, I am going to take a yoga teacher training while I am here so that I can offer yoga as part of my services in helping people balance. It is so exciting.

My new place is working out beautifully. My roommate is lovely and fun and studious(a very good influence on me), the apartment is funky and kind of '70's (the aesthetic is working)and I am 5 minutes from school and I can see the mountains and the sunrise from my window. And I am reading and writing very basic Sanskrit. Can you believe it? It is not that hard; slow, but not too hard!

Thanks for the loving comments and emails. It has been a little hectic lately, what with learning about the 40 varieties of digestive fire and all...I have been lax in my correspondence. I love and miss you all.

take care,
Molly

Okay now.....

2007-11-28T16:55:00.000-07:00

Did you know that there is a radio station in northwestern New Mexico that broadcasts entirely in Navajo? I found out last week as I tried to go to Utah. It is a long story that I don't really want to get into too deeply, just because I am sick of telling it. I just had the most beautiful and unconventional holiday..mostly in a hotel in Farmington, NM. I knit, I prayed, I ate. It was really fun. My dad drove 7 hours from Utah to have dinner with me at a cafeteria. The mechanic who fixed my car made me promise to call him when I got back to Albuquerque. Good people, beautiful country. Hard to convey in words. I miss you all.
xo, M

Sometimes a Turkey

2007-11-20T12:36:00.000-07:00

Hi everyone....I just sent out a group email with my new address and invited folks to take a look over here and see what I am up to. If you didn't get it, leave me a message in the comments and I will forward it to you. Not much going on today. I am avoiding studying Anatomy and Physiology, eating chocolate and enjoying my new space.

As you may or may not know, I am inclined toward rather impulsive decision making....in rapid succession. It is really hard for me to wait it out, let the answer reveal itself. I, like lots of humans, want to enforce my will on the world. So, this whole hubbub around my housing has been really instructive. Without going into too many dirty details, I made a bunch of poor decisions quickly and basically acted like a turkey. I am quitting in time for Thanksgiving. Please don't roast me....I have roasted myself enough already and hope that I learned something.

Tomorrow I am setting off Utah way to see part of my family for the holiday. I am really excited for a solo road trip through beautiful country. Have a really great Thanksgiving, however you observe the day. I love you all so much and have such gratitude for your presence in this world.

blessings large and small,
Molly

Midterm

2007-11-16T08:45:00.000-07:00

Hi everyone,

It has been a couple weeks since I have posted, lots of crazy things have happened and I am chalking it up to midterms. Can you believe it is already the 5th week? The days here seem really long, but the weeks are flying by.

I am hoping to settle in to my new place this weekend, an apartment with a classmate. Please send me an email if you want the new address. It is not the new address that I sent around a couple weeks ago. That is too long a story to get into!

Ayurveda is treating me really well. I arrived here with the intention to heal and let me tell you...the opportunities to heal and grow have been abundant. Last week was really full and I spent most of this week studying and digesting all that I learned.

Have I told you about sitting? Part of our assigned homework is to sit quietly twice a day for 20 minutes. I am up to once a day. So many of you have encouraged me to consider sitting and I have considered it. On several occasions in the past I have considered it seriously and moved on the more exciting things, like knitting or cooking or chatting or sitting around wondering what I will do with my life.(quick side note: when I say sitting, I mean contemplative sitting. I just can't claim to meditate. Meditation seems like something that happens after a few lifetimes of serious searching and sitting and praying. As far as I can see it would be a lie for me to lay claim to spiritual work that extensive.) Anyway, it is really hard to describe without sounding trite, but I am falling in love with the silence. My mind of course is going a million miles an hour, but at least the body can be still and rest for a minute. I can try to observe rather than obsess and this is huge.

On another note, I am slowly hydrating. Did I talk here about how dry it is in the high desert? My skin and muscles and even perhaps my bones have been exceedingly dry. The first couple weeks I felt like my body had turned to shrink wrapped beef jerky. Two weeks ago I was bleeding on my anatomy and physiology notes because my pinkie finger skin was so dry it cracked open. Ayurveda recommends daily self-massage with a ton of oil. I have been doing that and drinking water and finally feel like I can move again.

Please remind me to tell you about BooBoo Bovarra, my friend's adorable man-animal of a cat. He is truly amazing. I have pictures.

Miss you all.
Tons of love and blessings to you and yours.
xo, M

Hogwarts in a strip mall

2007-11-02T11:43:00.000-06:00

Hi. I think I have landed at Hogwarts, the wizarding school from Harry Potter. Except that instead of a shape shifting castle in the Lake District, we are in a strip mall in the Northeast Heights of Albuquerque..which is a lot like Henrietta's commercial zone, if Henrietta had great big mountains rearing up out of the east. The teachers and administrators are quirky and supportive, each in their own special way.....and I am learning some very practical magic. My classmates are adults, not young witches and wizards. I think most of us came here by plane, train or automobile. The classroom here vibrates the way a magic room does. We all sit on the mint carpeted floor and listen to our teachers, take notes, ask questions, laugh, cry a little, have patience with others, and feast at the table of great ancient knowledge.

The third week of classes has just ended and I feel like I am so full.

In just 2 weeks the mid-terms will be here. It is moving so fast.

It is sunny everyday here and it is lovely, but becoming just a little unnerving for a western new yorker who is accustomed to this time being the beginning of the Gray Season. It feels almost like I am stuck in a early September fall day that keeps playing over and over, ala Groundhog Day. This is the last time I will even approach the pale skinny edge of a complaint about the weather here. I do love it...but I love you all more! Enjoy this first week of November and I will post again soon!

Molly Oliver

ASP 1

An Ideal Student

2007-10-23T16:38:00.000-06:00

Posted by the entrance to the classroom where I am spending great portions of my waking hours is a small framed list reminding me of the qualities of an ideal student. For example, an ideal student is not competitive, does not engage in gossip, eats a vegetarian diet, does not drink or smoke or do drugs, and does a bunch of other lovely things that I cannot remember right now. As much as I am loathe to admit it, I want to win at school. Have I mentioned this to you? It is not a conscious thing, most of the time, but it is definitely there. I am sure you can see the rub. To win I have to act like I don't want too. When I act like I don't want to, maybe I can tame the beast a little. Anyway, it is really hard but really funny at the same time.....and to watch my classmates trying to do the same. It makes for a great time.

I want to tell you something really funny, but there is not much to tell.

I am moving soon to a new house in Albuquerque, where I will have a bathroom all to myself and am closer to school. It is a late 1970's house in the foothills and is pretty cute, I have a bunch of green and orange tile accents in the bath.

Subtle changes are starting to take place in me and I can't quite articulate them yet. It feels good, but a little unnerving. Don't worry, I am not taking a new name.....but may be moving into a new form. I still love you all and miss you a great deal, especially that darling husband of mine. If you see him, give him a hug and tell him I miss him.

Being and doing.

2007-10-18T13:43:00.001-06:00

My apologies for a missed post yesterday. I was thinking about all of you and missing you very much.

I am on a quick study break(a study break! I am a student and I am studying!!) and want to give you all an update. Every day I learn countless new things. It is really wonderful and not too overwhelming yet. In addition to the academic learning we are working on our own health through daily routine. So I am attempting a daily yoga and sitting practice, trying to live well. It is really exciting and I think that there will be profound results.
I am really glad I have my little job at Dagmar's to keep my feet in the world, so I don't float away.

My classmates and I are all starting to settle down and get to know each other a little bit. Everyone brings a different taste to the soup we are becoming. In sitting in the classroom, I notice the intensity of my very human tendency to judge myself and others. Where does this come from? In my limited self-awareness, it seems to arise from fear. So how do I tend to that fear and alleviate it? I will let you know when I get there. Maybe in this lifetime.

Love to you all.

Dagmar's delectables

2007-10-15T15:22:00.000-06:00

A million things I want to share with you all. I am on break from sanskrit (a whole new alphabet!!! a whole new old language!!!!) and then have lecture tonight...it is finally starting.

You should know though that I have found a job at Dagmar's Delectables, a German restaurant and bakery that is a 3 minute walk from my house. I wish I had just a little more time to tell you how perfect it is....Goody(short for Gudrun) the German cook who has been 29 for a long time, my dear co-server Erik, a senior at UNM studying philosophy and Japanese who comes to work on a 1970's era ten-speed bike and lives at home, Joanne and Mary the dishwashers...the bratwurst that gave me a nightmare. Everyone is really wonderful and it could not be more lovely.

Like everything else here, it just happened organically and easily. Yes, I will have less time to study and socialize with my exciting classmates. There is a price for everything and working at Dagmar's seems a pretty easy one to pay. When you come visit me, we might have the raspberry green chili strudel. I am not kidding.

So, I am telling you about this not to brag about my prowess as a job hunter or that I think I am a chosen one or something. It is important to share this to remind me that I need to be careful about what I ask for.

Love to you all.

Off the map

2007-10-09T11:50:00.000-06:00

Have you seen that great movie about being in New Mexico from a few years ago, Off The Map? Anyway, here I am and feeling a little off the map myself. First and foremost, on Sunday Scott got on the plane flew back to Rochester. It is simultaneous heart breaking and heart opening to be apart and know that it will be for a long period. I am so blessed and grateful to have such a wonderful supportive partner. Yes, I did cry a lot in lots of weird places (while driving, while cooking, while ordering tea, etc. You get the picture) but I am also remarkably okay. The departure was a lot like ripping off a band-aid. We knew it was going to hurt, we did not want to do it, the more I thought about it, the more apprehensive I felt, etc. Then Sunday came, Scott left. It did hurt a lot, but we are both doing fine. Ask me about this in a few weeks.

I am also feeling a little off the map because my internet access has been a little spotty, but I did want to thank all of you who have commented recently. It was nice to hear from all of you.

And I am a mile high now, have I mentioned that? Today is the first day I feel kind of normal.
Trying to drink tons of water and take good care of myself. After all this altitude training I will be the picture of fitness when I get home again.

School is really good so far. Everyone seems nice and committed to being here and working hard. The class has 45 members ranging in age from 20 to 60. It is really wonderful to be in an inter generational learning community and I am looking forward to getting to know everyone. On Monday night we introduced ourselves and told a little bit about how we got here. The stories were incredible and really inspiring. Several members of the class have sold everything...houses, businesses, cars and landed here with faith that this is the next right thing. I have several classmates who are here on their own with spouses and children back home. It is really exciting.

Ayurveda school is really great, but I have to tell you how excited I am that I found knitters! One of my classmates is a knitter and we connected and I got to go knit last night with lovely folks. If I have knitters, I can make it through anything.

My current challenge is finding some supplemental income. I want to babysit or do little odd jobs. On a whim I filled out an application at a HARDWARE STORE! Everyone seemed to be having a good time, they wear cute red aprons and I love the way it smells in hardware stores. We will see. Let me know if you have any good ideas.

I want this post to be funnier or richer or more interesting, but I don't think it is going to happen. Thanks for tuning in.....I 'll be back soon!

On the road again

2007-10-03T15:28:00.000-06:00

A long time ago I decided to take a Greyhound across the country to visit my cousins and a few friends in California. It was a lot of fun. I hate to drive, love to be driven, and at that time, did not mind being squeezed into very close quarters with complete strangers for 36 hour stretches. Somewhere past Chicago, a young lady boarded the bus. She was an absolute delight and loved to sing the first line of that great song "On the road again".....every single time the bus pulled back on the interstate. She did not have a great ear, but made up for it in enthusiasm and repetition. Sacramento was where she finally disembarked.

Since last Friday, Scott and I have been on the road again. We had a fun unplanned side trip in horse country in Northern Virginia..really, you should go sometime. It is beautiful, lots of winding wooded roads;gorgeous, understated, very old estates, lots of horses and no gas stations. We continued on to NC for my brother's wedding to the very lovely Jenny Lynn. Whole family, potluck, the best barbecue crew in the county (they showed up at 5 am to get it going) fantastic music, plenty of friendly people....and my baby brother getting married in a black western shirt, new jeans, cowboy boots and a leather string tie. Everyone cried, Jenny Lynn was the most lovely bride ever (sorry to all the other brides I have witnessed..) and we went home happy. Sunday we recovered and visited with family, Monday we drove to Nashville.I can't remember anything about the drive except it was thru the mountains of North Carolina and it is so gorgeous. In Nashville we had great Mexican food on the first day of smoke-free Tennessee. Yesterday we drove to Van Buren, Arkansas. I cannot say enough good things about this town. Everyone was so polite, so kind and welcoming. I ate the best french fries ever at the local catfish restaurant. (served with cornmeal dredged deep fried catfish fillets, green tomato pickles, fresh onions, stewed pinto beans, cole slaw, piles of perfect hush puppies, dill pickle spears, sweet iced tea and the sincerest smile I have ever seen on a waitress.) After dinner the proprietor chatted with us. He had noticed the broken 1960 Honda motorcycle strapped to our roof(please don't ask) and was wondering where we were going. It turns out he had travelled in NM extensively and was full of suggestions of great places to visit. We did a few other errands (including a pedicure for me while Scott rested at the motel) and everywhere we went, people were so nice. I loved it and plan to return.
Today we left the south and arrived in the west. Van Buren is at 458 feet ab0ve sea level. Here in Tucumcari, NM it is about 3000-4000 feet. Sunny, gorgeous, other-worldly and very high up!!!!
I can't write about the next and last leg of the journey to Albuquerque tomorrow. Scott returns to Rochester Sunday, so the next time you hear from me, I will be on my own for the first time in a long time, and missing one dear husband an awful lot.

Apple crisp=Bardo

2007-09-27T04:52:00.001-06:00

Yesterday was Wednesday, the day I have assigned myself to post, and I did not post. Instead, I ran around like a chicken with my head cut off(there is a great Magnetic Fields song about that) doing a myriad of tasks to distract me from finishing packing. For those of you who have been monitoring my progress, I will tell you that I am almost done. The hardest I have saved for last: shoes, drawing supplies, and knitting. The self-imposed limit of 4 large plastic bins are almost completely full, and I may be approaching a fifth bin (just for yarn! shoes can be on the floor, not in a tote and I think I am still following my compulsive limit setting). Lucky for me we have a big ol' station wagon to haul all this crap, ahem, essential supplies to New Mexico. We will see. All we have left to do is get the motorcycle from Clarke that we are lashing to the roof to transport to Tom in Albuquerque. Yes, we are driving cross country(practically) with a broken down old motorbike on our roof rack. Classy. Don't ever tell me that we don't travel in style.

So I am in bardo or the space between things as my very limited understanding of Tibetan Buddhism informs me. It is a weird time, where nothing feels normal and my routines are all shaken up. It can be a rich expansive free-fall, as one friend noted. The more I think about it, it seems spaces between things and events are limitless in quantity and volume. Bardo equals comma, I think. These weekly public postings of my writing makes me increasingly aware of grammar and punctuation and my rather hazy grasp on it all. I am deeply fearful of terrible punctuation misuse, esp. overuse of the the comma. It is just that I adore the comma so and I love to talk a lot, in very breathless run-on sentences and I want to keep these notes as informal and true to my conversational style as possible. Let's breathe and come back to the bardo. Another person says, "Obviously it is all practice for death." So yesterday my practice of dying manifested as an afternoon visit with the famous poet Sally on my porch, planting bulbs, and making a really delicious apple crisp, in addition to a few other social calls, packing,deep cleaning the car, running around wondering what I was just doing, laundry, cooking, cleaning, corresponding, yoga class, pestering my husband with over-doting, and walking to the mailbox. Looking at the list I have to say that I think I am in denial. Today doesn't seem to offer much more space...or perhaps I am just holding on too tight. I am going to really miss being at home.

Saying good-bye again and again and again..reminds me how loved I am, but I cannot access the emotions. Wondering when they will come. Hoping I will be in private, not sitting at a truck stop in Amarillo bawling my eyes out over a huge piece of Texas toast. See you in the southwest!

Hello Fall

2007-09-23T17:41:00.001-06:00

I found out how to post photos and learned that I can type in Hindi with the mere click of a button. What wonders! This photo is not blueberry picking, nor is it my fantastic friends and co-workers who showed up at Lux Lounge on Friday night to send me off in style. This is a sample photo from my gently-used new-to-me (thanks Woody!) laptop. It was wonderfully overwhelming to be with all of you. So much love, so many amazing folks packed into one place...and I got presents! It does sound a bit Pollyanna, but I really didn't realize that when you leave a place populated with kind, intelligent and fun friends, you get presents. I was shocked, and thrilled. In a matter of days I will be on the road. Someone asked if I am ready to go. "Yes,"I said, "but I still have a lot of packing to do."

I have signed up for Ravelry, fellow knitters. There are a mere 18,340 some odd folks waiting for an invite before me. The very sweet Elise gifted me with some blue sky baby alpaca and I want to find the perfect pattern for garter stitch pulse warmers. Elise, I promise a photo when I finish. (Mary M., I already know what I will do with the lovely rowan you passed my way!)

Today is the autumnal equinox. It was still light when I started this post and now it is a beautiful inky velvet-soft black night. We move into the darker time now, with shorter days and more intense, saturated sun when we do see it. Usually I want to hunker down, cook and turn inward. Instead I am packing up and hitting the road. I can't wait to see what is around the bend.

Still here, but barely

2007-09-19T08:10:00.000-06:00

In one week and one day I am leaving. Scott and I will load up the car and head south very early in the morning on the 28th. Packing is beginning, last minute dates with friends are scheduled and today I start my last week at my job here. It has been a really wonderful and busy and learning 3+ years. Never have I worked with such a fun, devoted and compassionate group of people. This was the perfect place to find some clarity and focus, to heal and grow.

So how do I stay present for the next few days? I have been saying that I have been in Albuquerque for at least a month...maybe longer....ask my husband, co-workers and friends. It is such a strange feeling, anticipation and excitement about a new adventure; grief about leaving, anticipated sadness of missing my favorite people, the harvest season,my home...and a not so small measure of impatience. Fear of the unknown crops up too, as well as a burning desire to "win at school" as Rachael says. A heady mix of emotions, a season that always finds me distracted, yearning and unable to sit still: a recipe for a very confused Molly. So, if you see me, ask me about my packing and know that I may only be able to talk about the weather, the wind, or how I am trying very hard to remember to breathe.

Very soon I will have pictures of blueberries here. In my crazy attempt to do a full years worth of socializing in just one short summer, I picked blueberries with friends this weekend. There are photos on a disc in my computer but I lack the attention span to figure out how to get them from there, to here. They are beautiful, I promise you that.

Welcome

2007-09-12T19:42:00.000-06:00

This is it. I am about to head out to a town I have never visited to study something I have never studied. It seems a little crazy, but at the same time seems like the smartest thing possible right now. This space will be a record of the journey, hopefully not too whiny nor too Pollyanna. Nobody wants braggy impersonal group emails, so if you are interested in finding out what Molly Oliver is up to out there in Albuquerque, stop by. The plan is for me to post weekly, unless I get really compulsive and start posting everyday or get really bored/busy/annoyed and drop the whole thing. Someday soon I will learn to take pictures and post them. I don't want to read a blog without pictures and neither do you, most likely.

I have so much to learn on so many levels... looking forward to trying to share a little slice of it here.